The
stated purpose of the “Community Mediation Calgary Society” is to
be, “A place
to learn how to settle disputes” and they have a lot of work to
do. The society receives
more than 400 calls per
year from neighbours who cannot get along with one another. At the top of their website
is a phrase that
every group I have ever been involved with needs to hear.
It says, “Being
right may not be
a solution!”
Somehow, we have
become convinced
that being right is the most important thing.
However, the process of trying to prove that I am right and
you are
wrong only creates separate camps that suddenly feel the need to
defend their
position and tear down the other group.
Sometimes,
the issue is not even the real problem. I
once met a man who did conflict resolution in churches. He stated that in his 30
years of experience
he had never seen one purely doctrinal dispute.
In other words, churches would argue about their beliefs,
but the real
issue was not Biblical, it was personal.
He stated that most group disagreements have less to do
with right and
wrong and more to do with people who had not learned to love one
another.
When
Paul
wrote to the Roman church, he reminded them that their conduct was
to be guided
by two principles: “Love your neighbour as yourself” (Romans 13:9)
and “Love
does no harm to its neighbour” (verse 10).
Often there is not just one right answer. I may like some answers more
than others, but
none are right in and of themselves.
Therefore,
I must remember that people and relationships are much more
important than
getting my own way.
Romans
14 and 15 teach that the more mature you are, the more you give in
to others. The strong
acquiesce to the weak. Being
right does not give you a stick to beat
others with, rather it gives you a responsibility to treat others
well. As Leo Buscaglia
says, “Only the weak are
cruel. Gentleness can only
be expected
from the strong”.
Of
course, there are some issues that are worth fighting for and upon
which there
can be no compromise. However,
that list
is usually a lot shorter than we assume.
You
can
make a point, or you can make a difference.
People
who seek solutions create change.
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