“In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world” (John 16:33). The last part of Jesus’ statement is comforting. The first part, not so much.
If trouble is a guarantee, the question becomes, “What can we do when it happens? What is the best response?” The book of Job has some good advice for us, as seen in the initial actions of his three friends.
First, they show up! “When Job’s three friends… heard about all the troubles that had come upon him, they set out… to go and sympathize with him and comfort him” (Job 2:11). We like to believe that everyone wants privacy, and we should mind our own business, but that is not true! Especially in times of trouble, we need connection and visible expressions of care. Listen to Paul’s words as he reflects on a difficult time in his life, “God, who comforts the downcast, comforted us by the coming of Titus… so that my joy was greater than ever” (2 Corinthians 7:6-7). Showing up matters, and it makes a difference.
Second, Job’s friends empathize with him. “When they saw him from a distance, they could hardly recognize him; they began to weep aloud, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads. Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights” (verses 12-13a). Empathy is different from sympathy in that it seeks to feel what the other person is feeling. Sympathy produces pity. Empathy produces connection.
Lastly, they listened. “No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was” (verse 13b). The temptation is to give advice or to try to fix the problem. However, most of the time, this does not help, and it often makes the situation worse. You do not need to know what to say. Love is often better expressed in silence.
We cannot avoid trouble, but we can learn to deal with it in a way that helps.
It may be hard to walk with your friends through challenging times, but here is a secret: It is harder if you don’t!
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