“A major cheat code in life: Master the pause. Before responding to that text. Before saying that nasty reply. The pause is where the wisdom lives. Most mistakes happen when we rush. Most regrets come from quick decisions. Remember, response time does not equal response quality” (Paraphrasing a quote by Scott Clary)
I have been thinking about this quote a lot lately. The worst purchases I have made have been the ones when I bought something on impulse. Rather than thinking it through and weighing the pros and cons, I just stormed ahead and regretted it later.
The worst arguments I have been in over the years have come from reacting rather than waiting. Someone says something that I perceive as mean or unfair, and I fire back in an attempt to hurt them in return. Then it takes hours and hours to undo the mess. Had I just paused, taken a breath and thought about it, I likely would not have said what I said.
One time, a buddy of mine sent an email about a project that I was heading up. I did not appreciate the tone of his note, as it seemed as if he thought he knew how things could have been done better. I immediately wrote back and challenged him, saying that if he thought he could do a better job, then he had better step up and do it, or keep his mouth shut. Ten minutes later, my phone rang. It was my buddy saying, “I am not sure what you thought you read, or what your problem is, but I wasn’t being critical at all”. I had misread his note and assigned a bunch of thoughts to him that he did not intend. Again, a pause, a little time to cool off and re-read what he actually said would have helped.
In the book of James, we are given these practical instructions that we can put into practice immediately: “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry” (James 1:19).
Learning to master the pause will save us from a lot of trouble.
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